well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
