im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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