my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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