He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
