I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So squirting runs in the family.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
