Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
