Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
