Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
