If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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