By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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