At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize