So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
