and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
