I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
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