the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
