my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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