Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
NoShamevember. You game?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
