I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
