sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
