its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
