maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
