im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
