I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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