Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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