Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize