i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We have so much sex to catch up on
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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