I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
