well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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