I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
