I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
