If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
