I like to think it a success when the cops are called
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
high people should be assigned attendants
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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