what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize