Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
