Rock
Scissors
Fuck
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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