Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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