He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
