2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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