Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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