Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
