carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
