I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I am available for nakedness
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
