SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
