I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize