Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
