did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize