Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
