YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
