the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You need Xanax blowdarts
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize