I look better un-naked...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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