My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Non-Jews are for practice
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
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