I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
