You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
