Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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