Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize