Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
