Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
