I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
