I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize