I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
