and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
