I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
