woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
