you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize