So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
