Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
