Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
