I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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