All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
