my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
