I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
