i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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