she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
