At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
