My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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