Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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