Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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