We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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