I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize