I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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