I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
