omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
