the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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