Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Im part way to drunk.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize