I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
