He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You're a waste of cheezeits
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
