I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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