Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
