all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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