My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
