I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
