who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
