umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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