Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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