I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
