I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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