Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
