I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
