Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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