We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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