I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
