I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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