dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize