did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
