I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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