How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
try to milk me bitch
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
