i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
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