So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
