Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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