Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize