I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
