since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
