Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
