She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
